From early childhood I saw worse than other children, but nobody noticed because I was used to instinctively adapting to the daily life of my particular condition. I did everything, like the others, but with great difficulty. I always thought there was no difference between me and them, except that they seemed all the more skilled than I was. I was amazed by the children on a bicycle, who did not clash against the obstacles, it seemed incredible to me how they managed to return home alone in the dark after the raids in the courtyard. I, even before dusk, looked at the sky in fear, calculating in my own way when to go home, certainly before the other boys. In fact, in the penumbra I would not have seen anything. And all who believed me to be an obedient girl, a little girl who didn't have to call back to dinner with screams...
I had a dear uncle, Mito, my father's cousin, who was the primary of the ophthalmology department for children of the famous Trieste hospital Burlo Garofolo. We told him that I saw and didn't see, but at that time even he could not explain it.
A few years later we found out that my brother also had the same visual disturbances. Fortunately, at least his childhood was spared. In fact, he began to see no more well in adolescence ... My dear brother was the person who understood me and knew how to help me most of all, even when he still saw us well. An extraordinary solidarity binds us all the time: concrete, emotional and moral.
At the age of 19, eye doctors finally managed to make a diagnosis: retinitis pigmentosa with Usher syndrome. Science had progressed and adequate tools were available to identify this type of disease. It is only then that I finally realized that I was neither slow in understanding nor awkwardly embarrassing, but that I have a progressive, incurable disease that over the years would have led me to blindness and deafness.
The first to learn the difficult news was the dad, who together with his mother communicated it to us with the wisdom of the heart that he loves so much, in a way that is still serene and courageous, even if at that time we were unable to fully realize what this would have entailed. In fact, I am still not fully aware of my situation today. By now this disease has always accompanied me and I don't think it makes sense to mull over it, since man is capable of incredible things, especially when he faces impossible situations. It is no coincidence that from childhood my inspirers have been the strong personalities of Helen Keller, blind and deaf teacher and writer, and Stephen Hawking, cosmologist paralyzed by sclerosis.
My life can never be boring. However, it is very demanding even in the most banal daily activities. In these tasks, the contribution of the brain is fundamental, irreplaceable. Poor hearing and sight have meant that the other senses have developed in me, not least intuition and memory.
The constant effort to make up for objective shortcomings tires the brain a lot, and a few years ago in a complex moment of life the difficulties recalled the colors and a white sheet in me. It happened in an instant: from a closet I took old oil crayons, a smooth sheet, and, with music in my ears, I let go of a dance from the hands and fingers that gave birth to my first picture.
Since then I have created many paintings and many others are gushing out, as the impetus for creative happiness continues to flow. My brain is finally on vacation, during the drawing I can completely relax and follow wonderful trips to the inner spiritual world. Here there is no danger that I will run or hit something unexpected, I can abandon the tension in identifying a concrete invisible world around me. In this inner universe of mine, the invisible becomes visible and the result is the images. I perceive them fragmentarily, since I have a strongly degraded field of vision and I do not distinguish colors very well. Memory plays an important role in this, it recreates a strong expressive dimension.
Relatives and friends advised me to show the paintings to someone. And so I turned to the artist from Trieste Jasna Merkù, who became my precious friend. Jasna has an incredible ability to "read" my inner sensations. Equally important for my artistic journey is the artist Franco Žerjal, who has also become a great friend, who has always encouraged me by helping me fight shyness, accompanying me on this new adventure in the immense world of creativity. Without them my paintings would never have seen the light. Thanks.
And now a brief mention of the technique and the material.
The colors I use are elementary colors, red, blue and yellow. These are oil pastels that melt and chase each other on the smooth white sheet or on the white plasticized surface under the pressure of the fingertips and palms. Often and willingly my whole body moves, adhering to creative energy, impregnating the paintings with an additional non-verbal, spiritual form and message. All the paintings are the result of spontaneity, in fact the rational part of my brain during creation rests.
For the white shades I use white oil pastel, but more and more frequently I am helped by the paper towels with which crawling on the colors of the painting I create various abstract shapes inspired by the mood of the moment.
Having said that, I dare say that the technique used is mainly instinctive and primordial, very close to the soul of children and Aboriginal tribes.
Very simple and liberating.